逃兵记忆追着一辈子

不止一次梦到同一个梦了。我很焦虑的回到二医去上学，身边的同学都比我小好几岁，然后想着我又要在这里待上四年时间才能出去，就像入狱一样。
其实这个梦的起源有很简单的解释，那是因为我不只做过一次逃兵。初中高中由于身体不好，逃兵变成了一种习惯，那种被动脱离集体的感觉一方面伤自尊，一方面产生极强的落寞感，烙印就着样打下了。
这种记忆会追着一辈子的，我知道。但是逃兵的icon我是不想再刻印了，我的人皮上刻的将是大红章：PASSED...多么欣快的感觉。逃兵，我是不会做了；梦魇，也请你给我走开。
Failure should only come to you as the consequence, rather than the abandonment in the course of pursuit.

Two lies lie in life

Two so-called white lies are infused into a person’s spirit development since the outset of physical growing.

One is that people are born equal, whereas the contradict truth is people are born endowed with hierarchy, no matter they allow, connive or ban the hierachy.

The other is that the inner beauty outweighs the appearance, whereas the contradict truth is we are live in the circumstances where the first positive/negative impression, what you look like will determine your destiny.

Therefore, there are the two advantages, if we possess, we can full take to build a better life without much trouble. If either of them is absent from us, we had to keep moving on with great effort and hard work. However, we are not taught so, and we recognized the unfairness until we enter into realistic society, leading us to the confusion, even despair.

The quesion aroused is that why not we can be informed of that at the early stage of life, the truth we can accept as early as possible to make us peaceful and easily tend to be satisfied. The answer is that they are two-faced. On one hand the apparently just atmosphere was hypocritically built to appease the civilian, and on the other hand, the unfairness was thoroughly utilized by them to maximize the self-interest.

What can we do? Just like the saying: If you are raped with no power to resist, why not enjoy being fucked?

Not easy to guide to simpleness

When you feel something improper, you are moving forward.Things are going tragic when I'm upgrading myself with regards to wealth and status.Although I think i deserve all the things i'v achieve or will achieve, which was hard to imagine previously, I become degraded in mood instead.I really want to turn back to the time I appreciate the simple characteritics of work and life.Two options are in front me, be richer or be simpler.I haven't decided yet. I'm poor enough or last for so long, and consuming moneys make me kinda guilty.That's the reason I intend to switch to another way of thinking in terms of wealth, which is a more sustainable and healthy way.However, I can tell how improper when I'm chasing a decent and prosperous life. I can foresee the negativeness will unconditionally encumber me a lot.Full of paradox.I'm so stupid that even now i have no conspicuous principles to direct the action and thinking.Hopefully its not the high time. Probably when I have been through sth, the conclusion will automatically fall on me.